Rejection

            As hard-hitting as the word sounds, the idea behind this blog is not to bog you down but to leap you up. Coming back from the hiatus of almost 10 months, I am looking back at a blur. The year stares back with denials, lot of responsibilities, a valuable loss, saying goodbye to my home, traveling, friends moving away, new friends coming in, new behaviour in old friends and a phase where I found myself wanting to be completely detached from it all. I delayed the writing as I did not want the blog to sound full of complains and yet the subject is outright negative. I felt I needed to write about rejection as it is always something that weighs us down, each one of us, every single time. I have wanted to write about this since a long time but I couldn’t figure how to portray rejection from a different perception that has never been done before.

         I was at a family road-trip few months ago, the trip started out amazing surrounded by all things green, breezy and the kids looked happy. I have these cute, naughty nephews who are very hard to handle; one two years younger than the other; both fighting to get on their mother’s lap.  My sister finally decided to carry the younger one. It was routine for me, boys crying for hours to get attention but when Vivaan whispered softly “why couldn’t you take me, Aai”? I turned away from the window and glanced at him. He had tiny teardrops in his eyes and a runny nose; I somehow could understand his hurt and my eyes went moist too. It was maybe just his soft hurt voice or I guess I was too tired but I realized that being turned down is so hard-hitting. I went into a phase where I had noticed Vivaan growing quieter but angrier after the younger one came along. For us, it is always a heart-break, a failed interview, being rejected as a prospective bride, a man rejecting his old parents, a husband rejecting the love of his wife or parents preferring their younger kid. Rejection is everywhere, every time and it has taken roots ever since we were kids. We take Rejection as a brutal thing because it is a direct hit to our ego. It stems from these memories we clutch onto since childhood and turn them into our insecurities.

            It was a very petty incident where Ayaan was chosen and Vivaan was rejected but it got me thinking that there will be a day when some other Ayaan will be rejected and Vivaan could be preferred. There is no end to this chain of rejection because people can be replaced no matter how hard you try to be special to someone. It’s hard to stop expecting the lovely ‘Yes’. Why can’t we stop waiting for some validation that we are invincible? Why can’t we enjoy in that moment as our life is so limited for feeling things that we never should have and side-lining the important things? No matter who is with you today or what you have today, it has to go away someday but the ability of you coming out of that rejection stays. Sometimes we just need that phone call from an oldest friend who reminds you how much you have changed. He tells you that he used to admire you and now you are a complete wreck, out of all the worst things that happened which you survived, that person took away your fire. Initially you are angry but later you look back and see a clear downfall. You thank him for making you realize that you need to stop behaving like a side-dish when you used to be a Pizza. Even better, you realize you are a Cocktail, a splendid mix of fabulous things, who beats the main course and get a clear page in your diary this time with worthy people in it.